11/2/09

GONE

Saturday morning, a young man died whom I'd been praying for. REALLY praying for.

There are no answers that explain why a vibrant young father should die. The doctors' expertise along with the many thousands of prayers in the past month did not prevent his death.

The bottom line for me was that there was no one to blame but God. He could have stopped this and didn't. That hurt so much. Of course I told Him what I thought - loud and clear - how angry I was and just how I felt, many many times today.

This painting, done a couple of years ago, seems to 'hold' what I'm finally feeling now. The sense of despair is vanishing. Finally, after all my yelling, something healing is taking the place of the anger and blame. There's a perfect peace..... no answers to explain..... but His pure tender presence, deeper and new, full of LOVE and HOPE. The deep sadness and pain remain, but the blaming, the resentment, the anger are gone, removed so gently by Jesus.

We won't KNOW, will we, until we see HIM face to face? Until then, it's faith.

"THE WAIT" Oil on Canvas 6 x 10"

11 comments:

Paul Kasmir said...

Oh,

My dear friend, I'm sorry about your loss it seems so sporadic and when I went thru recently what I went thru with the loss of my dear friend I felt like breaking thru to the other side pulling back the veil to ask God face to face "WHY?"

But I had the same experience you seem to be having a uncanny sense that some day the tale will be told and I will know the why and get to see the reasons, and a peace that passes all understanding enveloped me.

Sandy,
I will pray for you.
and may you continue to rest in "His" hands.

Dawn said...

I am so sorry Sandy

Watercolors by Susan Roper said...

Sandy,

I can only hope that you will eventually find the "why" and find healing there. So many instances are unexplainable because we are mere mortals, but our faith has to sustain us when nothing else will. Find peace, friend! I am so sorry for your loss, also.

Mary Sonya Conti said...

Sandy, your expression of frustration, anger and hurt touch many of us unknowns out here. As you said, we are changed daily with help and the faith that we each find that see's us through. My heart is with you

RHCarpenter said...

Sandy, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and your anguish over this. Questions...we all have them, don't we. But who knows? Your faith will get you through and bring your closer to peace, if not true answers. You're in my thoughts.

Sandy Maudlin said...

Thanks for your kind words. HIS peace is THE BEST!!! And it's so good to be able to tell Him just how I feel. What a listener! Then He brings comfort, even if the answers I want don't get answered right now.

Ann Buckner said...

So very sad to hear of the loss of your friend. Reading your commentary gave me goosebumps and reaffirms my own faith. Blessings to his family and his friends. The painting is so expressive of all those feelings.

Christiane Kingsley said...

Sandy, I don't know how I could have missed your post on Monday.
My thoughts are with you. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us.

meera said...

I am sorry about your loss and anguish. Here is a verse from Ashtavakra Gita (11:1)- from India that has given me comfort through the years:

"All things arise,
suffer change,
its their nature

When you know this
nothing perturbs you,
nothing hurts you.

you become still."

It is wonderful that you are able to use your talent to express yourself. Beautiful painting.

Take care.

Donna PierceClark said...

Dear Sandy,

It is clear to me now why you and I "look" like one another. It is not so much our outer resemblance, although that IS interesting, but more so, I think it is our inner relationship with Jesus. It just shows. And now I know why I love you so! We are truly sisters in Christ. I know and understand loss. I know and understand screaming at the Lord, "why? You could have prevented this!" And, I know, the peace that follows. He is patient with us. Thank the Lord Himself for His healing hand on our jagged emotionally torn souls. And thank the Lord for the talent He has bestowed upon us, especially when painting with acrylics or with watercolor on yupo. It is just loose and free and helps those emotions to release. Thanks, Sandy, for all you give to so many people! Much love, Donna Pierce-Clark

Niclas J├Ânsson said...

Hi Sandy! I can see why this painting means so much for you in this moment of sorrow. It´s beutiful.
This is a reminder of how fragile our life is and also that art can help us move forward.
I can relate to this all too much.
By, the way, thank you for updating to my new website and for still "having me around".

Sincerely, Niclas J.